When tragedy comes to a community

As we travel through life, we have to come to terms that good things and bad things do happen. When faced with a traumatic event such as death, recent terrorist attacks, or acts of violence, we all try to make sense or come to terms in our own way to be able to grasp in our minds the reality and shock of what has happened. As parents it is hard, but let’s explore some ways to address trauma with children.

Children thrive on being secure and when they witness or hear about a traumatic event they may question their sense of security. By processing their thoughts, children often display fears and anxieties. Usually, these reactions are normal, however, without proper assurance, the impact could last a long time. With the proper guidance and assurance, children can become resilient enough to grow due to the experience and become stronger individuals.

When talking to children, adults must be aware of their own thoughts and feelings. Be sensitive to the fact that your children are influenced by your reactions. Try to remain calm when you are around your children. Talk to your child about your own emotions, but consider their age and maturity to be sure not to overwhelm them. Remember to be aware and in control of your own emotions before creating a dialogue with your child.

Be available to your children as much as possible when they need to talk about trauma. Express your love for your child and remember to verbally and physically reassure your child that they are safe. Remember children need the opportunity to express their thoughts and feelings after a traumatic event. Focus on your child’s thoughts and feelings without judgments or suggestions – by doing so you will be providing him or her a safe ground to process and giving them what they need.

Limit your children to horrific media images of a traumatic event. It is up to parents to interpret what has happened and provide facts in line with your child’s appropriate age and level of understanding. Keep your answers simple when talking to your child. Be consistent with your answers so that your child will have a sense of security of what has happened.

If after a traumatic event your child appears to be upset, there are ways to help him or her process their emotions. A parent may suggest that the older child or adolescent maintain a journal of his or her thoughts and feelings and talk about them later with the parent(s). A suggestion for younger children is to give them the opportunity to draw what they are thinking or feeling.

The key is to have them process the event in a safe environment and talk about it. If the anxiety or other symptoms do persists, a parent may want to consider help with a professional.

Tell your children about the heroes – paramedics, firefighters, emergency rescue teams – everyday heroes who did extraordinary things in the face of danger. Explain to your children that they are always there to help and that you are always there to listen. By doing so, your child will feel safer and be better able to process tragedy and trauma.

Emil Knowles is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor and a National Board Certified Counselor in Green Cove Springs.