SANTA’S WORKSHOP – Another year, another November, and that means some of the worst days of the year are upon us.
Since I can remember, I’ve grew up with a distinct disdain for Thanksgiving. I’ve always hated the food which traditionally consists of the world’s driest meat – turkey, vegetable Frankenstein creations a la sweet potato casserole with marshmallows, canned cranberry gelatin and pie, which for all intents and purposes, is nowhere near as great as its fluffier cousin known as cake.
I wrote a column two years ago about why Thanksgiving is one of the worst holidays where I touched on not just the blasé food but the true history of the holiday often skipped over in school. I proposed that we skip Thanksgiving that year in favor of Black Friday.
I found reason to dislike Black Friday the following year, which was last year, in another holiday column. No employee should be subject to work on a national holiday let alone as early as 3 p.m. and proposed people skip the Black Friday madness and instead burn through their bank accounts on Cyber Monday.
Well Clay County, guess what? I’ve now found reason to pass on Cyber Monday. Let’s start with the obvious: shopping online already poses a threat to your bank account information because no matter what a website tells you, someone out in the world has the ability to obtain your information.
That’s neither here nor there because in 2019, it’s tough not to find items online that warrant a purchase. With companies like Amazon strangling the worldwide market with nigh unbeatable prices, it’s simply easier and more cost effective to go online for certain goods. But it turns out Amazon paid less in taxes last year than you paid Netflix for a single month of their streaming service.
I’m not here to talk politics. I am here to point out an indisputable fact which is how little in taxes some of the world’s most profitable online companies like Amazon pay. Sure, they’re using loopholes and other legal methods to avoid those taxes, but does that make it right? I imagine your business paid its taxes, right?
Taxes aside, as that’s an entirely different conversation, Cyber Monday musketeers like Amazon further push local brick and mortar stores we call Hidden Gems closer to the brink of extinction. We all know someone with a store like that and it’d be a shame to see it go out of business at the hands of an online mogul like Amazon that we happily handed over our money too without a thought of the grander ripples an Amazon purchase has in our capitalistic market.
So instead, I propose we disavow our loyalty to November traditions like Thanksgiving, Black Friday and Cyber Monday and instead skip right Christmas. Why celebrate 25 days of Christmas when we can celebrate 55 days of Christmas?
In the LeBlanc house, the Christmas tree, lights and decorations went up the day after Halloween. We have no time for silly turkey-inspired decorations. We also don’t have money for those because we spent it on even more Christmas decorations.
This marks the third year in my battle against November traditions and I think it’s safe to say that in 2019, I’ve reached the heart of the issue: Thanksgiving isn’t December and Thanksgiving isn’t Christmas.