No hissy fits or owl snot here, just common sense speak

As we watched last week’s race at the Talladega Superspeedway, everyone knew a big wreck was coming. When the cars started shuffling for a position for another wild finish, racer-turned-broadcaster Clint Bowyer said in the final 10 laps, “It’s Katy, bar the door.”

That’s when it hit me. What does that mean? And if Katy has to keep baring the door because there’s trouble ahead, shouldn’t she move to a better neighborhood?

Later that night, I overheard someone say, “There’s more than one way to skin a cat.” Did somebody skin a cat and figure out another way to do it?

How did we come up with such curiously odd statements?

I like it when I hear somebody “spends money like a drunken sailor.” I was born on an Air Force Base. I spent three years living at Pope Air Base, which Fort Bragg surrounded. With all due respect to sailors, leave it to the flyboys when it comes to drinking.

When my father was in Vietnam, it was so hot and muggy there, everyone in his squadron had a rash that ran from the ankle around the legs to the other to the ankle. They didn’t know where their athlete’s feet ended and their jock rash started. So they drank. A lot. One night, they ran out of fruit while they were drinking daiquiris. So they switched to green bean daiquiris.

But I bet a sailor could get drunk enough to “put lipstick on a pig” or be “three sheets to the wind,” especially since the latter has a nautical origin.

Who said something was “slicker than owl snot?” And where were they walking when they hit a patch of snot so big it was slippery?

I always wince when I hear somebody say they had a good time and “let their hair down.” I can only take their word for it.

My grandmother loved to describe cute young girls by saying, “She’s cuter than a button.” No matter how often I stare at my golf shirt, I just don’t see it.”

I certainly don’t get it when she says, “She’s cuter than a bug.” The only good-looking bug I’ve seen is on the bottom of my shoe.

How can you “bite the bullet” without being afraid of turning the back of your head into a drive-thru?

And if you really have to be reminded not to “take any wooden nickels,” you probably shouldn’t be trusted with money.

While we’re talking about legal currency, how do you “break” a paper dollar bill?

They say to “never look a gift horse in the mouth.” That’s probably a good idea, especially if you’ve had a couple of green bean daiquiris and just watched “Mr. Ed.”

Why are there “Careful, Low Flying Planes” and “Airplane Crossing” signs on roadways by the airport? Are we supposed to duck when we drive by?

If something is easier “than shooting fish in a barrel,” wouldn’t you eventually put a hole in your barrel?

I don’t know what “pitching a hissy fit” means, but I know I don’t want to be around when it happens.

If someone is “turning a blind eye,” how do you know it’s about you? They may be hearing the screams from Katy as she’s baring the door.